”“And how WELL do you know her?”“Not nearly as well as I’d like to and not nearly as well as SHE’D like. She’s very into new things right now.”“Will your girls object if I end up out here all night? With you?” she asked as she snuggled closer.“You done any girl-girl stuff? They may want to play with you if you stay.”“Nope, but that doesn’t mean never. Just what exactly are you four into?”“Fuck this is hard enough, talking about other women. Ask me questions you’re not going to like then sit and listen.”“Why wouldn’t I? So far, I’m amazed at what you know and how you can just take over and make me feel what I feel.”“The problem is, I don’t know you. I don’t know what’s going to turn you off and make you run screaming back home.”“I’ll take my chances. How personal is personal?”“We, the four of us have nothing to hide. We kinda work on the premise ‘if it feels good, do it. If it felt THAT good, make it part of your repertoire”“Wow! And you’re what? 19?”“What does age have to do with. She had scared him once already, let him see the one mark she had made, the first mark she had made in months. A mark she made because those feelings she tries to hide so deep came clawing back to the surface. Feelings she thought she had locked away for good. But feelings of being nothing, of being worthless, of feeling like trash are hard to lock away when it turns out they have a spark of truth in them. The mark that was mad, the mark he hates, was made because of her, was made so later more wouldn’t have to be done. She doesn’t want him to see anymore, doesn’t want to do it anymore, but her method is the base line, the first step, the least dangerous way. It’s the first in a line, in a line that has never been past the first step, although every step increases the danger. She doesn’t want him to know, doesn’t want anyone to know. No one needs to know her pain, no one needs to carry her burden, no one but her. It seems like she is trying to keep him at arm’s length, or pushing.
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